Parents who must Control

I cannot understand this: what desired result do parents hope to achieve by attempting to control their adult child which is not immediately rendered impossible by the very act of attempted control?

Require your child to be home on a school break, rather than be at the home of the one he loves: this is done so that you can see him? Immediate goal accomplished. Once he leaves home, how likely is it that he will want to return for visits? Not likely. The ultimate goal of seeing your child more often is defeated. Make it clear that his loved one is not welcome at your home on Christmas Eve: only the immediate family may attend. Immediate goal again accomplished. Yet, once they are married, will he and his wife ever feel welcome? Not likely. The cut you inflict today will be a life-long scar. Do you understand? Either you do, and you don't care, or you don't and you should. It's in your best interest.

Tell your daughter again and again that she should wait another year before getting married, argue and drag your feet on wedding preparations: potentially you will wear her down and she will agree to delay. And then, for the rest of your life, she will remember your negative attitude and your controlling nature whenever she thinks of her wedding. Lifelong resentment, which will affect your relationship and the memory she has of one of the most important days of her life. And this is but one example of how mothers (especially) insert themselves into wedding preparations and harm the very person they love.

Parents must provide some level of stability and control early in the lives of their children. But as the children mature, we must let go and provide the basis for a life-long supportive and loving relationship. Some of the things children will do will be mistakes, and some will merely be different from what we would want for ourselves. We can advise, if advice is requested or welcome, but we must not attempt to control.

It's not only good for the children -- it's also good for us. We will be more welcome into our children's adult lives if we have shown them the respect of letting them grow away from us.